Feast of the Transfiguration

The Dark Church, Goreme, Cappadocia, Turkey

Well, our  feasting began last night at Vespers. Beautiful antiphons, tones for the Psalms and the readings are always some of my favourites anyway, so that's not really fair. Well, the whole Feast is basically my favorite, too. And basically all the antiphons are from Scripture as well.

Christ Jesus, the brightness of the Father and the express image of his being, who upholds all things by the word of his power, while at the same time purging away our sins, deigned on this day to show himself in glory upon a high mountain. (Antiphon on the Magnificat)

I love this hymn we sang, the first stanza of which is in the photo above:

Caelestis formam gloriae

O wondrous type! O vision fair

of glory that the Church may share,

which Christ upon the mountain shows,

where brighter than the sun he glows!

With Moses and Elijah nigh

Th' incarnate Lord holds converse high;

And from the cloud, the Holy One

Bears witness to the only Son.

With shining face and bright array,

Christ deigns to manifest today

what glory shall be theirs above

who joy in God with perfect love.

And faithful hearts are raised on high

by this great vision's mystery;

for which in joyful strains we raise

the voice of prayer, the hymns of praise.

O Father, with the eternal Son,

and Holy Spirit, ever One,

vouchsafe to bring us by thy grace

to see thy glory face to face.

Our homilist made mention of Hiroshima also occurring on this day, which seems such a horrendous thing to me that it would happen simultaneously with this Feast. I pray that God would forgive us, things known and unknown, that disfigure His glory in any of His creatures, whom with one degree to another, He is changing into His likeness. Forgive us, Father; we don't know what we do. Enfold your kingdom of peace and beauty on the earth.

Collect for the Day

O God, who on the holy mount revealed to chosen witnesses your well-beloved Son, wonderfully transfigured, in raiment white and glistening: mercifully grant that we, being delivered from the disquietude of this world, may by faith behold the King in his beauty; who with you, O Father, and you, O Holy Spirit, lives and reigns, one God for ever and ever. Amen.

Another Prayer, Another Rule(er?)

St. Scholastica Chapel

     A Typical Day in the Life

           Matins - 6:30am

           Mass (Holy Eucharist Rite II) - right after Matins

Silent Breakfast

Silent Meditation/Prayer/Study

            Terce - 9:30am

Working usually

             Sext - Noon

Silent Lunch (which they call "dinner" - no end of confusion for me)

Working

Tea Time - 3:30pm

Work/Study

              Vespers - 5:30pm

Silent Dinner (which they call "supper" - which is a word that makes me think of my friend M.J. and his dog, Jasmine (may she rest in peace), who wouldn't eat until he said, "Eat your supper.")

                Compline - 7:30pm

Post-Compline to Terce, we observe silence for meditation and prayer, or study, and all of our meals are silent (also for prayer or something - this has probably been the biggest adjustment for me and I was not aware of it when I first arrived! I did not however do anything embarrassing in my ignorance so no good stories there-sorry!) Amendment to this is that on Sundays, we get to have non-silent Dinner! Woot. And let me tell you, they love the silence, but they also love the talking. Love. So, we had a fun dinner on Sunday, even busted out the potato chips and carbonated water with Pomegranate!

I have learned that these are more "guidelines" than hard and fast "code," as it were. Especially should a guest need something, as per the Rule of St. Benedict, they speak as oft as needed. And many times a Sister or two will need to do work between Breakfast and Terce and must speak to other people or animals. One of the more humorous parts of this to me is that in fact, many of the Sisters are near deaf and so if something is communicated, it is actually at a much louder volume than the average "inside voice" which sounds positively like yelling when interrupting periods of observed silence. It's great, it really gives the whole thing character and I'm pretty sure God finds it endearing and funny, too.

               

All the silence and prayer is ruthlessly monotonous! I mean that in the best way possible, but it seems to me the most apt description of it and not unlike what many of the nuns here have said about the life. Sister Mary Elizabeth told me about a Junior who ended up leaving before her profession because she just could not handle the ordinary, in a sense. Each day was more or less the same level of intensity, the work demanding the same amount of rigor and so very little heights or high seasons of productivity on which so many of us Americans thrive, seek and consider successful. 

Even the prayers are said with the same ruthless monotony (think ENTS!). However, look out for the lectionary readings and the changing Psalms, and often the BVM antiphon and the occasional Common of Holy Men or Women-things can get a little exciting. And of course, I actually do mean that because I think ruthless monotony is pretty adventuresome actually.

What I have found is that unless the balance of the Benedictine tri-focus of study, prayer and work remains in symbiotic balance, the life is simply monotony- in the acedic (yeah, I just made it into an adjective) sort of pointless sense- or ruthless, in the legalistic, workaholic sense, you know, like with the Trinity, if we over or under emphasize, He becomes different from who He is. Like I said before, this is just sort of the built-in stability of the Monastic Life, not that there isn't temptation to overdo one or the other but I suppose that is why they ruthlessly pray "save us from the time of trial/lead us not into temptation" 6 times a day, eh? Or at least in part. 

To be a Jewel of His Crown...

 

On that day the LORD their God will save them,
        as the flock of his people;
    for like the jewels of a crown
        they shall shine on his land.
    For how great is his goodness,
and how great his beauty!
  (Zechariah 9:16-17)

  For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
  and for Jerusalem's sake I will not be quiet,
    until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch.
  The nations shall see your righteousness,
   and all the kings your glory,
     and you shall be called by a new name
     that the mouth of the LORD will give.


      
You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD,

and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. (Isaiah 62)

The first time that I read Zechariah, I remember chapter 9 stuck out to me, in part because it has the passage about the King riding in on a donkey and that of course, was a familiar narrative to me.  I have always thought God so interesting for using seemingly innocuous descriptions in the middle of books-particularly in the prophets-to then blow everyone away.  Because a few centuries later, God Incarnate asks for a donkey to ride, effectually saying, "Y'all, your King is here! Remember all that I promised to Zechariah? Yeah, I'm ushering that in right here, right now."  Whoa.  Of course, Zech 9 is also awesome for all of the descriptions of the coming of the King, and trumpets and lightning and the way that somehow all the cacophony leads to peace, the eternal reign of peace.

But, the real reason why this chapter lodged in my memory is  because of the verse I highlighted above.  I was probably 16 when I first read this, depressed, ugly, lonely due to an innate mistrust of people, perfectionist.  Like I said it was an awesome reading, the King will do this and that and it's going to be crazy and we'll rejoice and then verse 16, God spoke straight to me.  I thought, oh! I'm so blessed to belong to those people in the flock that God has and will save.  "Therefore", God said, "the next line is also yours.  You are a jewel of my Crown and you are to shine."  The fact that we are to be jewels of His Crown because of His own goodness and beauty, as the next verse says, was not lost on my little neo-Platonist self, either.  I knew I could trust Him because my goodness and beauty (and that of everyone) derives from His own regal beauty.  In my darkest moments, when the assaults of the enemy manifest as a multitude of voices, sometimes in my own head and sometimes from others' lips and which I would then play over and over, the first combative phrase I ever used was "I am a jewel of His Crown."  It might be time to dust that sword off and bring it back out into the melee.

So, this was the daily lectionary reading for last Monday, I think, the 2nd day of Advent and I had determined to pray for beauty and light all Advent long and to ask my friends to do the same, as I mentioned before, feeling the gravitas of a black hole in my heart.  I also know that God is faithful to work on me in penitential seasons so I could feel that Advent was coming.  So, of course, when I read this on the first day of Advent, I thought, Oy, so that's how you're going to play this, Holy Spirit?  Way to really start things off with a bang.  Alright, let's do this, Thy will be done.  Verse 12 reads, "Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double."  I would love to check the grammar to be sure, but I think the phrase, "prisoners of hope" is a really funny one; of course, it may simply mean, prisoners who still have hope, verses those imprisoned by hope, but I'm going to take the latter interpretation for now.  That basically summed up how I felt after this reading, at the very outset of this season of Advent, of waiting and expectantly hoping but God having shown me that He's going to be at His purging kind of work in me.  Sometimes it would be way easier to let that go and to lie down with the lies, vices and escapism, to refuse to live and shine, having been placed as one of the jewels of the Crown of the Most High.  But, at the end of the day, I give thanks to my good and beautiful King who has made me a prisoner of hope!

People Look East

I know that I quoted some of People Look East in yesterday's blog
but I did not post the audio to it so here ya go! 
This is especially for SCurry :)

Chapel at Zaffran Monastery, the Monastery of Mor Hananyo (St. Ananias), in Mardin, dating to the 5th century and a haven for the Orthodox as well as others, like the Armenians.  The Syriac around the altar reads, "By your Name, we conquer sin."

But today we look East, the quote is from the book of Baruch and the images come from a trip to Turkey that I went on this past spring.  We visited the Cappadocian region with its rich tradition of Christian beauty and theology and several churches of many communions, but particularly the Eastern (Antiochene, Syriac, Oriental Orthodox) Church.  Though Turkey changed hands many times over its long history, some holy places, though now mostly tourist locations, have been preserved.  Though often we were grieved by this and the vandalism and disrespect shown to the early Christian devotion, we realized that we too mar the Image in one another and ourselves, more often than we usually repent on account of it.  But, today, I use these as a reminder of beauty and light that have stood through history, violence, war iconoclasm and the beauty of the Orthodox church today and their beautiful, hopeful contribution from their branch of our Family.  I look forward to being gathered together, east and west, and seeing the church outfitted with the garment of Christ, as His Body, bright, beautiful, just and at peace.

Pantokrator surrounded by the Minor Prophets in Church of Panagia Pammakaristos, Istanbul

Look about thee, O Jerusalem, towards the east, and behold the joy that cometh to thee from God. For behold thy children come, whom thou sentest away scattered, they come gathered together from the east even to the west, at the word of the Holy One rejoicing for the honour of God. Put off, O Jerusalem, the garment of thy mourning, and affliction: and put on the beauty, and honour of that everlasting glory which thou hast from God. God will clothe thee with the double garment of justice, and will set a crown on thy head of everlasting honour. For God will shew his brightness in thee, to every one under heaven. For thy name shall be named to thee by God for ever: the peace of justice, and honour of piety. Arise, O Jerusalem, and stand on high: and look about towards the east, and behold thy children gathered together from the rising to the setting sun, by the word of the Holy One rejoicing in the remembrance of God.

~Baruch 4.36-5.9

 

Iconostasis of the Church of St. George, dragon-slayer, the Ecumenical Patriarchate where we met with His All Holiness, who greeted us in the name of our one Lord Jesus Christ and spent a solid ten minutes in good conversation with us

 

 

Church of St. George, Istanbul

People Look East, and sing today:

Love, the Lord, is on the way!

 

Love, the Star, is on the Way

Orion Nebula Star Formation Factory

Creator of the stars of night,

Thy people’s everlasting light,

Jesu, Redeemer, save us all,

And hear Thy servants when they call.

Thou, grieving that the ancient curse

Should doom to death a universe,

Hast found the medicine, full of grace,

To save and heal a ruined race.

~Creator of the stars of night, 1982 Hymnal #60

star factory nearby galaxy

Stars, keep the watch. When night is dim

One more light the bowl shall brim,

Shining beyond the frosty weather,

Bright as sun and moon together.

People, look east and sing today:

Love, the star, is on the way.

~People look east, Eleanor Farjeon 

 
Today, I had the joy of singing the preceding hymns (can be heard by clicking below) as part of our Advent choir during our Wednesday Eucharist service in chapel.  Afterward, our esteemed dean and president even said to me, "You looked like you were enjoying yourself up there, very full of joy."  So, perhaps Advent is doing its work after all, eh?  The service was lovely and God was faithful, as always, to use the music and the liturgy to bring joy and assurance that He is indeed coming.  A word was given during the service that the Lord was encouraging a female in the room with a hole in her heart that He was healing it and that He does not mean for her to carry it going forward.  I am one such girl (with a black hole in her heart) who could use that encouragement as just last week I was telling a friend, "I have so little hope that this one thing will be healed before I get to the new heavens and new earth...."  And that healing is what the Lord has been trying to remind me of over the last month or so.

This may seem somewhat roundabout, but it's the meditation that I sat down to write so here it is.  I have been thinking a lot about the whole of creation groaning for completion, for us to take our place as the children, kings and queens of God, for all to be put to rights, for the Prince of Shalom to reign fully.  Lately, I have also groaned for this and I am glad for the season of Advent, in part, for a time to lament and groan together for the brokenness that is still here and yet for the abundant life and the medicine, as the hymn says, that has been given in the Incarnation of our Lord who is faithful to heal and bring us all, as one creation, to completion.  

surroundings of a black hole

But, what I want to add is that while I was viewing Hubble photos for today's images of stars, I realized that I really do view a place in myself as a black hole, so compact and dense that all is lost into it...even light, its gravitational pull all-encompassing.  Whatever star was present, died and had been of such a mass that a black hole is all that is left.  This is a very difficult truth for me to share but even so, God has asked me to share as honestly as I am able and this image really settled in my mind today as being how I view this, not with God's lens, but just with my own.  This is in some ways, a really helpful image because I know even with all this gloom (the paradox of the already and not yet, methinks) that God, Creator of the stars of night, Love, the bright morning star who himself is the nuclear fuel of every star and will never die, is on the way and the darkness has not overcome him!  I'm praying this becomes more evident as Advent goes on and that it takes hold in the midst of the black hole I have carried so long in my heart.  This is also part of why I am determined to present these meditations, to remind myself of Light and Beauty.

"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."   (Revelation 22.16)

"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness HAS NOT overcome it."  (John 1.3-5)

Art thou He?

I look from afar, and lo, I see the power of God coming, and a cloud covering the whole earth.  Go ye out to meet him, and say,

"Tell us, art thou he that should come to reign over thy people Israel?"

High and low, rich and poor, one with another, Go ye out to meet him, and say, "Hear, O thou shepherd of Israel, thou that leadest Joseph like a sheep, Tell us, art thou he that should come?"

Stir up thy strength, O Lord, and come to reign over thy people Israel.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost.

I look from afar, and lo, I see the power of God coming, and a cloud covering the whole earth.  Go ye out to meet him, and say, 

"Tell us, art thou he that should come to reign over thy people Israel?"

~Palestrina Matin Responsory for Advent

Advent of Light

For each day of Advent, I will post a new photo and quote here especially having to do with Light.
Without further ado:


Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge both the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  

...interruption...

I have promised a couple of people that I would post photos of some banners that Greg and I made for Trinity Sunday (weekend after Pentecost). So, I'll put these here. The inception was mostly mine, but execution I owe to several people who gave me their two cents...and especially to my husband who helped immensely and even went by himself one night to finish filling in the letters.

So, that's how people saw them as they walked in and I included a couple of close-ups for your viewing pleasure. We learned a couple of helpful things in the process. Neither of us had ever projected and traced before so that was new...though not very difficult as we soon found out. It did however take much longer than originally thought. I remember, after one night of spending several hours at the Ministry Center, Greg said that he would've preferred if I had just told him what to do. But, I realized that what he was feeling was the result of my choosing to sort of make things up as I went along. As you know, this is not usually my style. However, a couple of things came to light, a) I am a visionary in matters of art and aesthetics in the church, b) we did not have lots of time to complete our project, c) I could have done a better job of splitting Rublev's Trinity into 6 pieces which perhaps, would have helped it go a little smoother and d) as much as I love helping set up the banners and using art to represent Truth, I lack the skills, in particular with the medium of fabric to achieve much on my own. Now, I did have some help with d), but there were several issues which ensued once we began the project that required fixing by much double-sided tape, velcro and a willingness to experiment. But, I actually thought that was pretty fun. It was quite the project in ghetto-rigging. You know, though, when your church actually takes place in a high school and all materials reside on carts lovingly manhandled weekly by the RezBearers, ghetto rigging just seems to fit. :)

Speaking of which, we also were responsible for the banners in the front of the church. I really wanted to use the three colors found in the Trinity icon to tie it into the front. We actually saw the deacon who was preaching that Sunday earlier in the morning and he said he was speaking about the colors in Rublev's Trinity! So, at that point, we knew it was the Holy Spirit (we previously had no idea that he had planned to speak about this icon at all!). So, we went up front only to discover that the t-bar which is almost always with the banner supplies, was nowhere to be found. So ghetto rig we did (after Greg made an emergency trip to the Ministry Center). I stayed, armed with the three colors and an imagination. So here's what we came up with:



Now that I've actually completed this blog, it makes me think how silly it is that I didn't finish it way earlier. I even already have ideas for the next ones. However, Greg and I need to get crackin' on our pfeiferpfiles site so you can check us out over there for a little bit. Also, pictures of our other art project are soon to follow (as soon as I take them).

FY10Q1 pt III

Well, March saw the beginning of Lent. I don't even remember what I gave up now which is probably for the better. However, I do remember feeling that it was Lent. Greg and I wrote a blog for it for the bulletin for one Sunday. I'll try to dig it up.

I don't often participate in feast days but this year (oh! I just remembered, I gave up cloves and alcohol.) I decided to participate some. The best was for St. Patrick's day for which we had a great party, great cottage pie, toasted all who entered and watched Waking Ned Devine, such a sweet movie. Never has Bailey's tasted so sweet ;) But in any case, I think Greg had given me this set of flowers and as usual, they slowly began to die. I actually think red flowers are really pretty when they start dying. BUT, I saw this bunch and the one pink flower and I thought, "Whoa, this set of flowers totally says to me, 'Feast Day'". So that's what I call it and I share it with you. :)


March, I think was pretty unexciting otherwise. Greg and I did get to go to San Anton over his birthday weekend though and that was awesome. Here's some pics, mostly of the cutest little boy in the world...and a few others for kicks.

So, that was San Anton in a nutshell. Animatronic dinosaurs that Ethan was at first frightened of but then became quite fond of, T-rex eating my mom and husband, my dad's nameplate of sanctity, enjoying a little Wii Fencing and lovin' on Ethan some more.

my Lenten trials...

Here's my recounting of what happened the day after Ash Wednesday:

So, I walk in this morning and there's no less than 3 kinds of girl scout cookies tantalizing me with their sweet goodness at the coffee cabinet right by my desk! So I go over to heat up my turkey sausages in the mail room and there are brownies on Jean's desk and then more Girl Scout cookies in the mail room right next to a scrumptious looking cheese danish! What the @()$&A@#(%&? Honestly, I've never seen so many sweet morsels in our offices...EVER.
So, I groan and a co-worker hears me groan and says, "Yeah, I know but you should definitely try the girl scout cookies- they have this yummy lemon on the bottom..."on and on. And I said, "Does no one around here celebrate Lent?!" And she said, "You're not Catholic..." sort of incredulously and then added tentatively, "...are you?" I said, "No I'm Anglican". Not that that is really the reason why I celebrate Lent either. But I was surprised and dismayed at the ignorance of my co-workers and everyone's disregard or ignorance to put it more positively for the Lenten season. I honestly can't imagine my life without the fellowship's seasonal calendar. How odd. So I'm praying for grace and not being judgmental...and thanking the Father that I made it through the schmorgasborg of tempting treats obstacle course this morning--I guess it really does build hope--what do ya know?

So there ya go, there's the full version story of my google away message that made you laugh :)
It's hard bein' female, lower middle class and anglican :P...

He is Risen!

Could life so end, half told;
its school so fail?
Soul, soul, there is a sequel
to thy tale!

~Robert Mowry Bell

So, the Week of infamy is over. There are pictures on my picasa of Vigil happenings. While only in one reading this year...the "Dry Bones" reading...we still had quite the week. Greg's heading up RezBearers and so ya know, they have their hey day during the Week. It went really well, though.
Greg and I also did lit arts, which Carrie is heading up this year. We decorated mostly the overflow space--which apparently was only used for 30 minutes and then everybody found seats. But it was good to make it beautiful for them anyhow. Plus, the next morning for RezCafe, they used it.

Sorry there aren't more pictures of the actual readings. Since I was in one, I had to be backstage for most of it. I was also on stage for the actual putting up of the banners and change to white and all the flower arranging. Quite an experience. Have you been to Vigil before? I think you have, in fact, I'm almost positive of it.
Anyway, basically there's the cue to open the curtain and reveal the "A" banners and to put the flowers out. The cue is Stewart saying, "He is Risen!" Well, this year...the music never stopped and the auditorium went crazy before Stewart ever said anything. So, there's Carrie and I waiting for Stewart's cue, poised and ready to run with the curtains, toes stickin' out so that we can make sure it doesn't get caught on the banners. But, alas, we wait and wait, the noise gets louder and louder and still, no announcement. Well, did I fail to mention that we were having sound problems that night? We found out later, from Greg and Joe, that Stewart did say it except his mic malfunctioned so nobody heard it. They happened to see him mouth it and responded but not near loud enough to cover the "holy" noise. So, Carrie and I stood there while he heard a drum duet begin and questioned what we were supposed to do. Eventually, someone yelled at us to "GO!" And all was well. But, we felt kind of funny. Oh well, He is risen indeed so good.

Also, please lift up the Fawcetts. I don't know if you know about what's been going on, but John had quite the Good Friday...definitely in the shadow of death--he came down with pneumonia and was in the hospital. I received news this morning that he went home tomorrow...and by tomorrow I mean yesterday...ugh. Many thanks above! Margie says he is so tenacious about life so plead that that continues in that. Thanks for your thoughts!

Anyway, Happy Holiday.

Collect for today:
Almighty and everlasting Father, who in the Paschal mystery established the new covenant of reconciliation: Grant that all who have been reborn into the fellowship of the Son's Body may show forth in their lives what they profess by their faith; through the Son, who lives and reigns with you and the H_ S_, one Father, for ever and ever.

Let us go forth into the world rejoicing in the power of the spirit.

Linten Meditations

The following is a CG-ified excerpt from an e-mail prompted by my dear friend, Tim W, calling and e-mailing me to ask for an explanation of Lent to gain a general understanding of its importance to the fellowship worldwide and historically.


As an evan. Episc. from birth, it was a very unusual time of year because in one sense, we didn't want to echo the "Cath. thing" of giving up meat--though that goes way back to the earlier centuries but rarely eating meat seemed like a pointless and unlikely helpful fast--but we also did not just entirely deny it's existence like the average Book fellowship where people say, "Lent, you mean like that stuff in my belly button?" So, a catch 22 but I guess members of the fellowship of England have always sort of been in the middle, eh? So, what was an Evan. Episc. to do? Well, being only 16 or so when she began to search out the meaning of Lent (a time when she had started to become active in that college ministry of Bill Bright at UNM), she recognized the beauty of the changing altar clothes, the different vestments her Dad wore, snickered with the best of them as the liturgy changed from "Therefore let us keep the feast, [word you shouldn't say in Lent beginning "A" ending in "uia"]" to the Lenten appropriate liturgy sans "[that word]" and a few people missed the memo, knew it was a time of readings about the sufferings of the Son and of His people. However, never was into giving anything up as that seemed mere Cath. superstition (and her CC friends generously echoed that conclusion:] ). I am sure that my parents sometimes gave things up for Lent and knew that it was a more somber season; maybe they thought we wouldn't entirely understand or trusted our sacramental heritage and personal relationships with the Father to discover the art of the fast later in life.

So, the sacramental nature of Lent. Oh, what I missed in assuming that people gave things up to the King out of obligation or empty ritual! So, later in life, sometime in college, I remember a very distinct conversation with my friend, Anna, about Lent and about observing things and why different people did these things. I remember one of her reasons was as a cleansing ritual. That giving up and fasting and supplication/thanks were all part of cleansing as in the old Jewish cleansing rites. I thought that was a cool idea. Others say it is out of mourning and along those lines out of sharing in the Anointed One's sufferings (this follows the idea of Him being tempted in the wilderness, alone for 40 days and then eventually to His death). For others, it is merely sacrifice mirroring the sacrifice of the Son, a sort of "you gave Your life, the least I can do is give up something for Lent to show my gratitude" sort of view. I think that my view has morphed into different combos of the above and follows different themes depending on what the Father has for me to learn in that Lenten season.

2 years ago, I took a "class" with Mario B. entitled, "Growing in Virtue"... that was a hallmark Lent for me. I don't necessarily say this as though giving things up were easier or that I felt holier once it was over. I'm not sure Father always works that way. However, I do know that now I often open myself up in a way in Lent that I don't during other seasons (at least in theory that is what happens). As the Father was about certain works in His Son's life-preparing Him for His work and indeed preparing Him for death and even for being made Alive again- in the wilderness so too, I think He is in the business of doing that in our lives. Well, I think He does that all the time but as in taking the Body/Blood or in Dunking/Sprinkling, we believe that it is time to pause and really receive that grace. So, maybe Lent, too, is a means of grace.

In the class, Mario talked about many of these things. The point of the class was to go through a different virtue each week (for 7 weeks, I think). During the week, the "assignment" was to practice them by either disciplines of deprivation or engagement. The idea that a "fast" or discipline could be about actively doing something rather than simply stepping away from others was a very interesting one for me. The virtues were ones like love, hope, faith, justice, prudence, etc...all very intriguing...spiritual virtues. Often by focusing on a spiritual virtue and its practice, the other more "fleshly" problems work themselves out. And, you know, I really did find that to be true! What a beautiful way that Father works in our lives. You also find that in pursuing these virtues and praying that they would be graced to you anew, that you are far worse at those than in any area where you fail physically or mentally (you know, the usual sins: sexual, overeating, material issues, etc). So, the Creator works those things out in Lent, too. I think that it was the fact of it being this season that greatly aided my understanding and engagement with this class and pursuance of the Father to gut those things out of me that were not of Him, either by my participation or denial of certain behaviors, etc. I'm not sure if this makes sense. But, it re-emphasized the importance of Lent for me.

This year, I decided to both engage and deprive myself and am calling this "my body" Lent. Part of this is that once again, the H S has pointed out to me my wrongness in neglecting my body and in being outside of hope for my body. So, by treating my body as a neighbor and creation of the Father as it is, I am also praying the H S's healing on my heart for those places where I am still hateful of what I see in the mirror. And I know He is at work even as He was in the Son during His 40 days in the wilderness, preparing me for good works, my own rising to Life again, a strong walk with Him now and for the benefit of the Fellowship and those outside of it.

So, I don't know if that helped, I hope it made sense. I'm open to questions. A chapter that I love right now (about fasting!) and has been characteristic of "where the good way is" for me at this time is the 58th part of that book beginning with I. Read it!

a week set apart

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty excited that I came up with that oh so cg title :)
I'm glad about this week, of course, it's a hard week and it's painful near friday but it's so good and offers so much promise.

All I have to offer at the moment is this that I came across in the BCP. It's how I feel this week and I think captures the rending of our hearts and also the joy of coming fulfillment.

Kyrie Pantokrator

O ruler of the hosts above,
Father of the patriarchs,
and of all their upstanding offspring:
You made the stars, planets and the earth,
with all their vast array.
All things quake with fear at your presence;
they tremble because of your power.
But your merciful promise is beyond all measure;
it surpasses all that our minds can fathom.
O king, you are full of compassion,
long-suffering, and abounding in mercy.
You hold back your hand;
you do not punish as we deserve.
In your great goodness,
you have promised to forgive those who fall away,
that they may turn away from it and be made whole at the end.
And now, I bend the knee of my heart,
and make my appeal, sure of your goodness that need not be.
I have fallen away, father, I have fallen away,
and I know my sickness only too well.
Therefore I lift this up to you:
Relieve me of this, father, relieve me of this.
Do not let me waste away in my current state,
nor leave me in the depths of the earth.
For you, are the father of those who come back to you,
and in me you will show forth your goodness.
Unworthy as I am, you will show me grace,
in accordance with your great mercy,
and I will lift you up without ceasing all the days of my life.
For all the powers of the universe sing your songs,
and yours is the everything to ages of ages.
Agreed.

phew, that was a toughy cg wise, I'm hoping you have a book and so can look up the actual one. But it is beautiful and I hope it touches you this week.

I may write more later on, but for now, adieu. Hopefully, I'll have pictures of this weekend, if all goes according to plan!