To be a Jewel of His Crown...

 

On that day the LORD their God will save them,
        as the flock of his people;
    for like the jewels of a crown
        they shall shine on his land.
    For how great is his goodness,
and how great his beauty!
  (Zechariah 9:16-17)

  For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
  and for Jerusalem's sake I will not be quiet,
    until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch.
  The nations shall see your righteousness,
   and all the kings your glory,
     and you shall be called by a new name
     that the mouth of the LORD will give.


      
You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD,

and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. (Isaiah 62)

The first time that I read Zechariah, I remember chapter 9 stuck out to me, in part because it has the passage about the King riding in on a donkey and that of course, was a familiar narrative to me.  I have always thought God so interesting for using seemingly innocuous descriptions in the middle of books-particularly in the prophets-to then blow everyone away.  Because a few centuries later, God Incarnate asks for a donkey to ride, effectually saying, "Y'all, your King is here! Remember all that I promised to Zechariah? Yeah, I'm ushering that in right here, right now."  Whoa.  Of course, Zech 9 is also awesome for all of the descriptions of the coming of the King, and trumpets and lightning and the way that somehow all the cacophony leads to peace, the eternal reign of peace.

But, the real reason why this chapter lodged in my memory is  because of the verse I highlighted above.  I was probably 16 when I first read this, depressed, ugly, lonely due to an innate mistrust of people, perfectionist.  Like I said it was an awesome reading, the King will do this and that and it's going to be crazy and we'll rejoice and then verse 16, God spoke straight to me.  I thought, oh! I'm so blessed to belong to those people in the flock that God has and will save.  "Therefore", God said, "the next line is also yours.  You are a jewel of my Crown and you are to shine."  The fact that we are to be jewels of His Crown because of His own goodness and beauty, as the next verse says, was not lost on my little neo-Platonist self, either.  I knew I could trust Him because my goodness and beauty (and that of everyone) derives from His own regal beauty.  In my darkest moments, when the assaults of the enemy manifest as a multitude of voices, sometimes in my own head and sometimes from others' lips and which I would then play over and over, the first combative phrase I ever used was "I am a jewel of His Crown."  It might be time to dust that sword off and bring it back out into the melee.

So, this was the daily lectionary reading for last Monday, I think, the 2nd day of Advent and I had determined to pray for beauty and light all Advent long and to ask my friends to do the same, as I mentioned before, feeling the gravitas of a black hole in my heart.  I also know that God is faithful to work on me in penitential seasons so I could feel that Advent was coming.  So, of course, when I read this on the first day of Advent, I thought, Oy, so that's how you're going to play this, Holy Spirit?  Way to really start things off with a bang.  Alright, let's do this, Thy will be done.  Verse 12 reads, "Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double."  I would love to check the grammar to be sure, but I think the phrase, "prisoners of hope" is a really funny one; of course, it may simply mean, prisoners who still have hope, verses those imprisoned by hope, but I'm going to take the latter interpretation for now.  That basically summed up how I felt after this reading, at the very outset of this season of Advent, of waiting and expectantly hoping but God having shown me that He's going to be at His purging kind of work in me.  Sometimes it would be way easier to let that go and to lie down with the lies, vices and escapism, to refuse to live and shine, having been placed as one of the jewels of the Crown of the Most High.  But, at the end of the day, I give thanks to my good and beautiful King who has made me a prisoner of hope!

Love, the Star, is on the Way

Orion Nebula Star Formation Factory

Creator of the stars of night,

Thy people’s everlasting light,

Jesu, Redeemer, save us all,

And hear Thy servants when they call.

Thou, grieving that the ancient curse

Should doom to death a universe,

Hast found the medicine, full of grace,

To save and heal a ruined race.

~Creator of the stars of night, 1982 Hymnal #60

star factory nearby galaxy

Stars, keep the watch. When night is dim

One more light the bowl shall brim,

Shining beyond the frosty weather,

Bright as sun and moon together.

People, look east and sing today:

Love, the star, is on the way.

~People look east, Eleanor Farjeon 

 
Today, I had the joy of singing the preceding hymns (can be heard by clicking below) as part of our Advent choir during our Wednesday Eucharist service in chapel.  Afterward, our esteemed dean and president even said to me, "You looked like you were enjoying yourself up there, very full of joy."  So, perhaps Advent is doing its work after all, eh?  The service was lovely and God was faithful, as always, to use the music and the liturgy to bring joy and assurance that He is indeed coming.  A word was given during the service that the Lord was encouraging a female in the room with a hole in her heart that He was healing it and that He does not mean for her to carry it going forward.  I am one such girl (with a black hole in her heart) who could use that encouragement as just last week I was telling a friend, "I have so little hope that this one thing will be healed before I get to the new heavens and new earth...."  And that healing is what the Lord has been trying to remind me of over the last month or so.

This may seem somewhat roundabout, but it's the meditation that I sat down to write so here it is.  I have been thinking a lot about the whole of creation groaning for completion, for us to take our place as the children, kings and queens of God, for all to be put to rights, for the Prince of Shalom to reign fully.  Lately, I have also groaned for this and I am glad for the season of Advent, in part, for a time to lament and groan together for the brokenness that is still here and yet for the abundant life and the medicine, as the hymn says, that has been given in the Incarnation of our Lord who is faithful to heal and bring us all, as one creation, to completion.  

surroundings of a black hole

But, what I want to add is that while I was viewing Hubble photos for today's images of stars, I realized that I really do view a place in myself as a black hole, so compact and dense that all is lost into it...even light, its gravitational pull all-encompassing.  Whatever star was present, died and had been of such a mass that a black hole is all that is left.  This is a very difficult truth for me to share but even so, God has asked me to share as honestly as I am able and this image really settled in my mind today as being how I view this, not with God's lens, but just with my own.  This is in some ways, a really helpful image because I know even with all this gloom (the paradox of the already and not yet, methinks) that God, Creator of the stars of night, Love, the bright morning star who himself is the nuclear fuel of every star and will never die, is on the way and the darkness has not overcome him!  I'm praying this becomes more evident as Advent goes on and that it takes hold in the midst of the black hole I have carried so long in my heart.  This is also part of why I am determined to present these meditations, to remind myself of Light and Beauty.

"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."   (Revelation 22.16)

"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness HAS NOT overcome it."  (John 1.3-5)

well...it's official

To: Campus Community

From: Paul Ericksen, BGC Archives

Re: Noel's departure -- open house

Dear Colleagues,

Noel Collins Pfeifer, who has worked in the BGC Archives for three-and-a-half years will conclude her work for us is Friday, July 23. She has been a great and capable part of the team and has brought new efficiencies and her perspective to our operation and service to our researchers and others who call upon us. We will miss her contribution and friendship, but encourage her on her way. She and her husband relocate to Ambridge, PA, to begin seminary there. We'll be hosting an open house throughout Thursday afternoon, July 22nd from 2:30-4:30. If you have worked with, had contact with or are friends with Noel, we would be glad to have you stop by to add your farewell to ours.

Happenings

I always think not much has been "happening" but then I come here to blog and realize, "Wow, time has really passed by and I have not had a moment's peace." My biggest issue at the moment is that I have not had time to clean my room and once again the clothes have proven themselves to make a great carpet. One day I will get to cleaning, I promise! That's what I tell myself anyway. It's funny because it seems that so long as I acknowledge it's a mess and make sure others know that I know, I feel like I don't have to clean. It makes me feel better, anyway. :)

I've had kind of a hard week, all joking aside, my room is merely one of the many ways in which I feel life is out of control right now. I don't usually like to share anything too personal on this blog or any blog, I guess. However, I'm not sure that many people read it anyway and those that do can just deal.

2 weeks ago, I went in for a lady doctor appointment. We all know those are thrilling in the first place.... But, I was going because my PCP had told me I should because some of my results were "off". Sooo...I went and she says I probably have PCOS. You can read about it here. I'm partly bringing this up because if anyone reads this and has firsthand experience, I'd love to know more about their experience. So, feel free to comment! Anyway, my new doctor was nice about everything and didn't seem to be worried so I wasn't either, she gave me a pamphlet said to call her at the end of the month and we'd go from there. There's nothing life threatening about it if it's treated and it seems that a lot of the symptoms get better through different medicines. Basically, my journey here has been hallmarked by not having a cycle for about a year and a half. So, ya know, best to get it dealt with.

But, here's the rub, doctors always seem to think that if you're overweight, that's where your problem started. That obviously my overweightness incurred the PCOS. However, the more I read, it's sort of a chicken and the egg problem. That those with PCOS find it really hard to lose weight because they're producing more testosterone than they should as well as other hormones and lacking some of the others. And, you're much more likely to get Diabetes with PCOS which also adds to the possibility of weight gain. So, I thought at first that this would be a liberating discovery; here was the answer to my mom's, coaches', dad's, my own questions about how I can exercise tons (especially in high school when i was a Varsity athlete), eat normally and still always have a roll around my waist and still struggle to get weight off. But, this week, it has not been, because the more I read, the more I learn that this is just a symptom of it and that none of the meds used to correct PCOS actually have any bearing on weight whatsoever unless you're determined to have an insulin deficiency.

So, from one medical alert to another, I looked up a condition that I had when I was a kid called Precocious Puberty. This is the first time I've ever shared about it in this public a setting. Apparently, it is sometimes linked to PCOS...so it would have been nice to know that and to watch out for it. (Incidentally, we've always contributed a lot of my weight issues to that because it makes you basically go from baby fat to puberty fat with no break in the middle like most kids have...but apparently that may not be the case).

All of this has resulted in my being upset with the Father--mad even. I finally pinpointed this a couple nights ago which is definitely a good first step. But, just being upset about having so many physical disorders through my life and for being given so many things that stack up to make me have a terrible self image. And sometimes I wish I were the kind of personality that would just give up. But, no, I still work out (nearly) everyday, eat well and try to take care of myself. And sometimes I feel like it's an uphill battle against Father which isn't right probably but it's how I feel sometimes. And I'm finally being honest about that. Anyway, so, that's something to lift up.

Well, I didn't mean this to be such a downer but I must return to working now. I feel a little better for having written this out though.

Hope all reading this are well and don't be a stranger, comment me!