Happenings

I always think not much has been "happening" but then I come here to blog and realize, "Wow, time has really passed by and I have not had a moment's peace." My biggest issue at the moment is that I have not had time to clean my room and once again the clothes have proven themselves to make a great carpet. One day I will get to cleaning, I promise! That's what I tell myself anyway. It's funny because it seems that so long as I acknowledge it's a mess and make sure others know that I know, I feel like I don't have to clean. It makes me feel better, anyway. :)

I've had kind of a hard week, all joking aside, my room is merely one of the many ways in which I feel life is out of control right now. I don't usually like to share anything too personal on this blog or any blog, I guess. However, I'm not sure that many people read it anyway and those that do can just deal.

2 weeks ago, I went in for a lady doctor appointment. We all know those are thrilling in the first place.... But, I was going because my PCP had told me I should because some of my results were "off". Sooo...I went and she says I probably have PCOS. You can read about it here. I'm partly bringing this up because if anyone reads this and has firsthand experience, I'd love to know more about their experience. So, feel free to comment! Anyway, my new doctor was nice about everything and didn't seem to be worried so I wasn't either, she gave me a pamphlet said to call her at the end of the month and we'd go from there. There's nothing life threatening about it if it's treated and it seems that a lot of the symptoms get better through different medicines. Basically, my journey here has been hallmarked by not having a cycle for about a year and a half. So, ya know, best to get it dealt with.

But, here's the rub, doctors always seem to think that if you're overweight, that's where your problem started. That obviously my overweightness incurred the PCOS. However, the more I read, it's sort of a chicken and the egg problem. That those with PCOS find it really hard to lose weight because they're producing more testosterone than they should as well as other hormones and lacking some of the others. And, you're much more likely to get Diabetes with PCOS which also adds to the possibility of weight gain. So, I thought at first that this would be a liberating discovery; here was the answer to my mom's, coaches', dad's, my own questions about how I can exercise tons (especially in high school when i was a Varsity athlete), eat normally and still always have a roll around my waist and still struggle to get weight off. But, this week, it has not been, because the more I read, the more I learn that this is just a symptom of it and that none of the meds used to correct PCOS actually have any bearing on weight whatsoever unless you're determined to have an insulin deficiency.

So, from one medical alert to another, I looked up a condition that I had when I was a kid called Precocious Puberty. This is the first time I've ever shared about it in this public a setting. Apparently, it is sometimes linked to PCOS...so it would have been nice to know that and to watch out for it. (Incidentally, we've always contributed a lot of my weight issues to that because it makes you basically go from baby fat to puberty fat with no break in the middle like most kids have...but apparently that may not be the case).

All of this has resulted in my being upset with the Father--mad even. I finally pinpointed this a couple nights ago which is definitely a good first step. But, just being upset about having so many physical disorders through my life and for being given so many things that stack up to make me have a terrible self image. And sometimes I wish I were the kind of personality that would just give up. But, no, I still work out (nearly) everyday, eat well and try to take care of myself. And sometimes I feel like it's an uphill battle against Father which isn't right probably but it's how I feel sometimes. And I'm finally being honest about that. Anyway, so, that's something to lift up.

Well, I didn't mean this to be such a downer but I must return to working now. I feel a little better for having written this out though.

Hope all reading this are well and don't be a stranger, comment me!

Save the Date!

So, here's the save the date I created. You can go to our wedding site for the one his mom created. I know you won't be here but maybe we'll send you a magnet anyway or something and an invite. Though you'll prob be home by the time we send them out. :) There's another post too, don't miss it!

He is Risen!

Could life so end, half told;
its school so fail?
Soul, soul, there is a sequel
to thy tale!

~Robert Mowry Bell

So, the Week of infamy is over. There are pictures on my picasa of Vigil happenings. While only in one reading this year...the "Dry Bones" reading...we still had quite the week. Greg's heading up RezBearers and so ya know, they have their hey day during the Week. It went really well, though.
Greg and I also did lit arts, which Carrie is heading up this year. We decorated mostly the overflow space--which apparently was only used for 30 minutes and then everybody found seats. But it was good to make it beautiful for them anyhow. Plus, the next morning for RezCafe, they used it.

Sorry there aren't more pictures of the actual readings. Since I was in one, I had to be backstage for most of it. I was also on stage for the actual putting up of the banners and change to white and all the flower arranging. Quite an experience. Have you been to Vigil before? I think you have, in fact, I'm almost positive of it.
Anyway, basically there's the cue to open the curtain and reveal the "A" banners and to put the flowers out. The cue is Stewart saying, "He is Risen!" Well, this year...the music never stopped and the auditorium went crazy before Stewart ever said anything. So, there's Carrie and I waiting for Stewart's cue, poised and ready to run with the curtains, toes stickin' out so that we can make sure it doesn't get caught on the banners. But, alas, we wait and wait, the noise gets louder and louder and still, no announcement. Well, did I fail to mention that we were having sound problems that night? We found out later, from Greg and Joe, that Stewart did say it except his mic malfunctioned so nobody heard it. They happened to see him mouth it and responded but not near loud enough to cover the "holy" noise. So, Carrie and I stood there while he heard a drum duet begin and questioned what we were supposed to do. Eventually, someone yelled at us to "GO!" And all was well. But, we felt kind of funny. Oh well, He is risen indeed so good.

Also, please lift up the Fawcetts. I don't know if you know about what's been going on, but John had quite the Good Friday...definitely in the shadow of death--he came down with pneumonia and was in the hospital. I received news this morning that he went home tomorrow...and by tomorrow I mean yesterday...ugh. Many thanks above! Margie says he is so tenacious about life so plead that that continues in that. Thanks for your thoughts!

Anyway, Happy Holiday.

Collect for today:
Almighty and everlasting Father, who in the Paschal mystery established the new covenant of reconciliation: Grant that all who have been reborn into the fellowship of the Son's Body may show forth in their lives what they profess by their faith; through the Son, who lives and reigns with you and the H_ S_, one Father, for ever and ever.

Let us go forth into the world rejoicing in the power of the spirit.

Winter Highlights

A few things have kept my soul alive in the cold, bitter Chicago Winter this year...here's some highlights:

Exhibit A) HOCKEY!!!!

Greg and I celebrated actual Valentine's in a traditional manner with a possibly PMS-related depression (me, not Greg :) ), no flowers, dog-sitting (exhibit B), me sending him chocolates which arrived at work, he buying Qdoba for us and watching Lost, then to bed since he had to open the store the next morning. Romantic, eh?

So, to actually celebrate we bought tickets to a Blackhawks vs. Avalanche (woo-hoo) game for that weekend. It was a really great game even though my Aves couldn't pull it together. But, we got to part of a record breaking amount of people to attend a hockey game at the United Center...hooray for us and the 21, 763 other people! It really was awesome. What a great Valentine's present to us :)

Exhibit C) Getting away from Chicago
3 trips thus far this Winter: Baltimore, San Antonio, North Carolina.

Baltimore Holiday (exhibit D)- 4 days, get in get out, kinda tiring, kinda hard occasionally, but good overall. had fun visiting with G's grandparents whom I'd never hung out with much before.

San Antonio Holiday (exhibit E)- sea world, scene it! 2nd edition, family!, warm weather, wedding dress shopping, no fights, bliss pretty much



North Carolina (exhibit F & pic at top)- ocean, short sleeves, sun, a tan, and Tim's mom has a hot tub :)






Exhibit F) Ethan
Every other day I get more pics of him and that gets me through.


Exhibit G) Pretty Snow
Took these the other night when it dropped 6-8 inches on us.



Exhibit H) Friday Ladies' Lunches
Getting together with the other Rez women who work for the College. Like today how we discussed Rez's stance on feminism or lack thereof and about what really matters to the kingdom message. Keeps my mind sharp and on the importance.

Exhibit I) Greg
Our dates, talks, we've recently taken up playing Magic the Gathering (yes, yes, we are dorks), mini golf cuz we can't go outside, playing with invitation ideas for our wedding, having friends over, moving him out of his old house in the middle of Winter, making a list of things I'm thankful for even when I'm not very happy with him at the moment, laughing, singing, hoping.


Exhibit J) Knowing that in 6 months and 8 days, I'll be on my honeymoon in beautiful Vancouver!

Linten Meditations

The following is a CG-ified excerpt from an e-mail prompted by my dear friend, Tim W, calling and e-mailing me to ask for an explanation of Lent to gain a general understanding of its importance to the fellowship worldwide and historically.


As an evan. Episc. from birth, it was a very unusual time of year because in one sense, we didn't want to echo the "Cath. thing" of giving up meat--though that goes way back to the earlier centuries but rarely eating meat seemed like a pointless and unlikely helpful fast--but we also did not just entirely deny it's existence like the average Book fellowship where people say, "Lent, you mean like that stuff in my belly button?" So, a catch 22 but I guess members of the fellowship of England have always sort of been in the middle, eh? So, what was an Evan. Episc. to do? Well, being only 16 or so when she began to search out the meaning of Lent (a time when she had started to become active in that college ministry of Bill Bright at UNM), she recognized the beauty of the changing altar clothes, the different vestments her Dad wore, snickered with the best of them as the liturgy changed from "Therefore let us keep the feast, [word you shouldn't say in Lent beginning "A" ending in "uia"]" to the Lenten appropriate liturgy sans "[that word]" and a few people missed the memo, knew it was a time of readings about the sufferings of the Son and of His people. However, never was into giving anything up as that seemed mere Cath. superstition (and her CC friends generously echoed that conclusion:] ). I am sure that my parents sometimes gave things up for Lent and knew that it was a more somber season; maybe they thought we wouldn't entirely understand or trusted our sacramental heritage and personal relationships with the Father to discover the art of the fast later in life.

So, the sacramental nature of Lent. Oh, what I missed in assuming that people gave things up to the King out of obligation or empty ritual! So, later in life, sometime in college, I remember a very distinct conversation with my friend, Anna, about Lent and about observing things and why different people did these things. I remember one of her reasons was as a cleansing ritual. That giving up and fasting and supplication/thanks were all part of cleansing as in the old Jewish cleansing rites. I thought that was a cool idea. Others say it is out of mourning and along those lines out of sharing in the Anointed One's sufferings (this follows the idea of Him being tempted in the wilderness, alone for 40 days and then eventually to His death). For others, it is merely sacrifice mirroring the sacrifice of the Son, a sort of "you gave Your life, the least I can do is give up something for Lent to show my gratitude" sort of view. I think that my view has morphed into different combos of the above and follows different themes depending on what the Father has for me to learn in that Lenten season.

2 years ago, I took a "class" with Mario B. entitled, "Growing in Virtue"... that was a hallmark Lent for me. I don't necessarily say this as though giving things up were easier or that I felt holier once it was over. I'm not sure Father always works that way. However, I do know that now I often open myself up in a way in Lent that I don't during other seasons (at least in theory that is what happens). As the Father was about certain works in His Son's life-preparing Him for His work and indeed preparing Him for death and even for being made Alive again- in the wilderness so too, I think He is in the business of doing that in our lives. Well, I think He does that all the time but as in taking the Body/Blood or in Dunking/Sprinkling, we believe that it is time to pause and really receive that grace. So, maybe Lent, too, is a means of grace.

In the class, Mario talked about many of these things. The point of the class was to go through a different virtue each week (for 7 weeks, I think). During the week, the "assignment" was to practice them by either disciplines of deprivation or engagement. The idea that a "fast" or discipline could be about actively doing something rather than simply stepping away from others was a very interesting one for me. The virtues were ones like love, hope, faith, justice, prudence, etc...all very intriguing...spiritual virtues. Often by focusing on a spiritual virtue and its practice, the other more "fleshly" problems work themselves out. And, you know, I really did find that to be true! What a beautiful way that Father works in our lives. You also find that in pursuing these virtues and praying that they would be graced to you anew, that you are far worse at those than in any area where you fail physically or mentally (you know, the usual sins: sexual, overeating, material issues, etc). So, the Creator works those things out in Lent, too. I think that it was the fact of it being this season that greatly aided my understanding and engagement with this class and pursuance of the Father to gut those things out of me that were not of Him, either by my participation or denial of certain behaviors, etc. I'm not sure if this makes sense. But, it re-emphasized the importance of Lent for me.

This year, I decided to both engage and deprive myself and am calling this "my body" Lent. Part of this is that once again, the H S has pointed out to me my wrongness in neglecting my body and in being outside of hope for my body. So, by treating my body as a neighbor and creation of the Father as it is, I am also praying the H S's healing on my heart for those places where I am still hateful of what I see in the mirror. And I know He is at work even as He was in the Son during His 40 days in the wilderness, preparing me for good works, my own rising to Life again, a strong walk with Him now and for the benefit of the Fellowship and those outside of it.

So, I don't know if that helped, I hope it made sense. I'm open to questions. A chapter that I love right now (about fasting!) and has been characteristic of "where the good way is" for me at this time is the 58th part of that book beginning with I. Read it!

i'm an aunt!

That's what my Mom has taken to calling me :) But I call her Granny, which she thinks is the worst name ever so it all works out.

That's Ethan Michael Motameni-Azar, born December 18, 2007 about 7:05 pm. He's my nephew and he's very cute. So, leave me comments about how cute he is! Anyway, there are likely only a few of you who care but he was 6 lbs 9 ozs, 20 inches long and he's healthy. Alison is doing well and will likely get out of the hospital today.

I'm an aunt, hooray!!!

autumnal funk

I would like to introduce you to Rhymnoceros and Hiphopotamus, if you don't know them already. It is some of the best things I've seen in a long time. In fact, yesterday, I finished my work with about 20 minutes or so left in my day. So how did I kill that time?, you ask. I watched Flight of the Conchords performances on YouTube. They made my day. I have not had such a good end to my work day in many months. I was so happy and laughed all the way down the hall and all the way down the stairs. I had to stifle my giggles, which burst out every now and then, to keep my cincogenarian colleague from coming over and asking.

So, please watch the videos. Business Time is also really good.

THE PACT:
Jennifer Green and I solemnly swear we are up to no good. Actually, that's not true at all. We are up to lots of good. We have sworn to walk every morning for 15-20 minutes, visit the gym at least twice a week and various other things which will help us order our lives more properly. It is going well. Of course, the week we start I have a vicious cold that no amount of rest seems to cure and the week it is forecast to snow. Yes, I just said SNOW. And yet, every day we have gone and I walked to work this morning as well. It's been a pretty rip roarin' good time. So, think on us as your trodding around on your bike...that we'd accomplish our goals, that Jenn would be healthier overall and I would well, lose weight I guess. And that these would be unhindering goals in our lives that add to it, not things that would become idols etc to us.

THE WAITING:
Killing me. Any day now, right? Bleh.

THE CHEF:
Boyardee, that is. Just had it for lunch, haven't had it for years. Quite yummy, I recommend it if you need a small snack.

THE CRAZY:
What happens when I have a lack of sleep and a keyboard and blogspot username and decide to use it.

THE END.